Rising Tide & Fallen Empires
by Ser.REnity
Summary: A punishment fit for a liar; truth, always truth. Loki has fallen, but as he faces the sun he casts no shadow. The Darkest Place has become his home. / Post-Avengers.
1. I fell victim to the rising tide

**Less than first: I fell victim to the rising tide**

The raindrops cascaded down the giant windows of his prison. A glass cage, as always, to expose his secrets to the world since he was no longer worth a lie. No one dared to enter except for the ludicrous, naive version of himself; the what-could-have-been and never-would-be prisoner.

He felt like laughing, screaming; maybe even killing someone in his rage. But his stare stayed blank and unwavering. Never letting go, never actually reaching for something. Hollow.

And then he smiled, softly, but _smiled_. A minute of reminiscence, a second of guilt had been offered to him before the inevitable day of triumph; and oh, how glorious this triumph would be.

But no matter _how_ glorious, it wouldn't be his. It would _never_ be his.

He was Loki.

The madman.

The liar.

The bastard son.

And that was how it was always going to be.

Thor's expression softened as he watched his little brother. There was no more reason to contemplate on their relationship or reminisce about their childhood. They could not go back and he had to acknowledge that once and for all.

If it was necessary for him to leave in order to ensure Loki could find peace, he would.

But at times like these, he felt the selfish sorrow tug on the strings of his heart, pulling them out and laughing at him as he tried to struggle. _Sentiment_, his brother would hiss and force this hideously amused grin that cut deep into his features.

Loki had once been handsome, in an aristocratic, elegant way; what was left was a mask, a skeleton clothed in skin.

For a moment, the no-longer-Loki looked at him, with the same cold eyes he had always had. They made him look like a child, young and vulnerable. And sometimes, when the memories of what had happened a few months ago did not let him sleep, he wanted to turn back time.

If they were younger, Thor could just wrap his arms around Loki and tell him it would all be okay at the end of the day. And it would be the truth.

"It will all be well, brother", he said.

Loki huffed and slowly closed his eyes.

"Will it now."

What a strange innovation, Thor thought, he did not start an argument about their relationship nor did he sound angry. It was good; but not good enough to raise hope.

"I promise you it will."

Loki hummed a wordless reply and leaned his head against the window.

"You should leave", he said quietly, but not hostile.

It was worse than hatred, this quiet, tired resignation. This indifference that meant the opposite of the life of centuries ago.

"I will come back to see you, brother", Thor said and smiled a forced smile worthy of the god of lies.

Loki hummed once more.

"You will always come back."

"I will not give up on you-"

"..._as all the others did_."

"Loki, I-"

"Go, please. Leave me."

He was Thor.

The hero.

The brave.

The golden son.

And that was how it was going to end.


	2. The rise and the fall

**********Connected to The Darkest Place, ********Little Lion Man, ********Faithful Dis-Believer, and In obscurity they whisper. **

**********This is the second installment, the others are yet to follow. I will update weekly.**

* * *

**First: The rise and the fall**

"You know, I am not sure if this is a good idea. It's probably even the worst idea I've ever heard of, except maybe for the whole subjugation thing this Joker pulled off."

Tony Stark was sure he had misunderstood the whole thing, there was no way Thor could actually mean what he just said. Well, there probably was one, but it would definitely turn out as crazy.

"It was hardly a question, man of iron, rather an act of courtesy. I do not require your permission to use this accommodation."

Thor still sounded friendly, but it pissed Tony off nonetheless. The god of flashy armor was right; SHIELD had claimed the Stark Tower their own and as a member of the Avengers, Thor had the right to stay whenever he wanted. These rules might not apply to lunatic family member, but where rules ended, the responsibility of friendship kicked in. Tony liked Thor, even though the guy could be even more unnerving than Steve struggling with the toaster. And Loki belonged to Thor's world and if there was no way the brother would let the no-brother down, Tony couldn't do so either.

"So you just barge in with your unhappy little bro in tow, tell me you need to remodel my house and then you tell me I should be grateful you _asked_?"

Thor's expression was priceless, like a kicked puppy left out in the rain. It was fascinating how ungodly he could make himself look like.

It had been an hour since the god of thunder had barged in with his little brother in tow and told Tony there needed to be a prison in his tower. Well, it wasn't that bad of an idea, but as it was with every minor life decision, you would want to consider it. By yourself. For more than three minutes in total.

He shrugged.

"Well, do what you want. As long as you pay attention to what the reindeer boy crashed. I kinda liked my furniture."

"I thank you, Stark, for not prolonging this impossible argument."

Tony was surprised to hear Loki actually speak up. Something was different about his voice, his posture, his... everything. His _Loki-ness_ had been twisted and reverted somehow and it seemed not like a moment to make fun of him.

"_Stark_? Well, this is new, but I'd take a nice surname over the man-of-irons and son-of-Howards any day."

Something seemed off about the god of mischief still, but Tony decided he should not dwell on it. Those thoughts were wasted on a wanna-be usurper.

"I agree with my brother, man of iron, I am grateful you chose to decide so."

"_Decide_? Are you-"

But Tony could not finish his sentence; the widely grinning god of thunder passed him by and approached the door.

"I shall inform our father. Man of iron, you have my gratitude. My brother will tell you how it came to this."

With that, he turned and entered the elevator.

"But-"

The doors slid shut, even though Tony could have sworn he had seen Thor grin as they did. In fact, it looked smug.

A few seconds passed before Loki cleared his throat.

"The much I enjoy seeing you with your mouth agape like an imbecile or other family member of mine, I must ask you to stop that. It troubles me."

Tony spun around.

"It _troubles_ you? Does insanity run in the family or something?", he asked and shook his head, "Seriously, what is this all about? And why haven't you thrown me out off a window yet?"

Loki frowned and for a moment he looked like he was in pain.

"I- do not want to kill you because I want to reconcile with the Avengers and an action like that could be detrimental to the progress of this plan's execution."

It sounded forced and yet... Tony was not sure if he faced a lie or not.

"And you seriously think I will believe that? Maybe your brother-in-law or whatever you think he is now will be naive enough to believe that, but last time I checked I wasn't him. I would hate to brush my hair."

Loki looked at him as though he wasn't quite sure if laughter or utter confusion was the best of choices.

"For god's sake, don't picture me with his hair now", Tony continued and sighed as he turned to pour himself a drink. He deserved it.

"I try my best. I must say, though, it proves to be quite a challenge", the god replied and as he walked over to one of the painting to examine it, it became apparent he was injured. The way his legs did not move evenly as he walked and chin hardened in an attempt to concentrate gave him away.

Tony did his best to ignore it.

"So, you were ordered by your super-nanny to inform me. Do I have to be drunk to understand what is going on?"

Loki did not face him, but his body twitched barely visibly. Something hurt him frequently and Tony was still not sure what exactly could do that to a goddamn _divine alien._

"I was punished and exiled."

"Isn't exile a punishment as well?", he asked, even though he knew he was being annoying, "So what was it? Three weeks in prison, no board to pay? Oh, wait, maybe two. After all, you are a prince or something, right?"

Loki looked as though he wanted to scratch someone's, preferably Tony's, eyes out.

"Or maybe you got three harsh words from daddy and then everything was fine and you went for a freaking picnic. What do I know."

He was drunk and he knew it; it was a bad idea to insult a god, even if he was kind of civil and standing in your living room without a weapon.

"You know nothing of me."

Loki still didn't turn and he sounded calm.

"And provoking me is not going to make you fear me less."

The words rang too true for Tony not to snap.

"So life has been _so_ hard on you? Take a number and stand in line, kid. Just because you felt oh-so neglected by your mommy and daddy doesn't justify any of the shit you've done in your time here."

Loki grabbed him by the collar and his eyes burned with the raw urge of tearing a living body apart- but before he could mutter so much as a word, he let go of Tony again and stumbled backwards.

A second later, he slumped down, his long limbs pulled close and his hands pressed against his temples. After a few seconds he was nothing more than a trembling mess.

Tony cursed himself for pushing a lunatic and triggering a rage fit or whatever it was- until he realized it was more than that. He remembered the nights after his return from Afghanistan.  
And before he knew it, he sat down beside the god and waited for the fit to end.

"You might have to actually tell me about what happened if you intend to stay."

Loki sneered through gritted teeth.

"Asgardian justice happened."

* * *

_Odin hit him right across the face, forcing Loki's head to the side and lip to split. For a prisoner, he was in a wonderful mood and his slowly occurring urge to chuckle turned into a fit of loud laughter._

_They stared at him with a mixture of surprise and deep, deep pain born of seeing him mad._

_Loki threw his head back and his hysterical laugh echoed in the throne room; only stopped by two guards forcing him down to his knees. _

_"How dare you speak of your family like that?", Odin asked and there was only sadness in his eyes.  
"Always the father, yes? Always the best of people when it pleases you?"_

_The wound he cut was deeper then the pain. Oh, what a scar he would leave behind._

_"Order the treatment you want to grant me, Allfather"; he then continued in a much calmer fashion. _

_They all stared down upon him with their pitying and judging eyes. If he was a weaker man, he would fall under their gaze- he would break and beg for their forgiveness. A part of him craved this simplest of ways out and yet he knew it would not work._

_To force redemption would end up in him killing people again; and he would be back before the court in the blink of an eye. Old gods of Asgard did not appreciate his youthful ideals. They disliked the innovations he always brought along, even if they were improvements._

_"Brother, I must ask you to reconsider- if you just", Thor started ridiculously concerned._

_"We are **not** brothers!", Loki exclaimed, intonating each syllable carefully. The explanation tired him so very much, "And shall you wait for an appeal for mercy, you shall wait until the last of days, god of thunder."_

_He wanted to continue, speak his angry mind until he was no more than a whisper of rage in their minds. It wreaked havoc inside him, this infinite desire to just **make** them understand if they could not see for themselves._

_"Enough", Odin said and Loki fell silent. He still refused to bow his head and raised his chin high._

_But all his pride was lost a second from then._

_The Allfather touched him by the shoulders, urged him to stand up and embraced him. It was a clumsy gesture, an awkward situation and Loki tensed right away, desperate to get away. _

_"First, I welcome you home, my son. You were missed greatly."_

_It was so unlike Odin to act this way, to actually show compassion that Loki could not help but stare down onto his shoulder and wait with wide eyes. _

_**Thief.**_

_**Murderer.**_

_**Liar.**_

_,he told himself._

_**Not father.**_

_And yet the most childish of places inside him, that part of him reserved for memories and things best left forgotten, protested as he pulled free and moved backwards._

_"Announce the punishment, Allfather, instead of invoking sentiments of mine. You will not make right what you did to wrong me years ago", he said quietly and his mask of indifference formed quickly enough to convince even the biggest of fools._

_His eyes turned pale and uncaring. _

_"You are the judge of all the worlds, you have to act like one. Your mercy for a frost giant is neither appropriate nor appreciated."_

_Thor's face was disbelieving, Frigga seemed concerned._

_Odin smiled.  
"You never knew when to stop the mischief, Loki. Your guards will escort you to your chambers and there you shall wait until I decided how to handle the situation."_

_They treated him as a child._

_Loki wanted to pull the scepter and slit their throats all together, see them bleed and crawl and... but on the other hand he craved for another friendly word. Another reassurance they accepted him back home._

_"Fine", he spat and the guards yanked him backwards. Laughter bubbled from his mouth like black, insipid blood and he showed his teeth and grinned at their useless defenses. _

_His madness would not cease that soon._

_"Do you believe your walls will stop them? Stop **me**, **father**? How much fun it will be, the surprise on your faces when your dreams are disturbed by knifes and swords in your gut, how faceless the threat itself shall stay!", Loki screamed and the tears streamed down his face as he laughed once more, "All of you and your wretched people will fall and as your castle finally crumbles, you shall see the rotten core of Asgard and all its glory, the decay you so fear!"_

_The doors fell shut behind him, but his words stayed behind, as poison in their minds._


	3. So distant, so forgotten

**Second: So distant, so forgotten**

_The darkest place would always find him when he was alone. Emerging from a place beyond all these wonderful wishes and unneeded wants, it would soothe him, bring him peace._

_Loki had begun calling it like that when he began dreaming of it. This other world with its starless skies and infinite space sent shivers down his whole body, shivers that introduced him to dread and anger and the inevitable coldness. His body did not feel it anymore, it was simply the thought that counted- in Asgard, it had never been cold._

_Jotunheim was different, of course, but it had been a visit to Midgard that opened his eyes to the fact he enjoyed the freezing temperatures his kin so strongly despised. When the sky darkened and the lights of the mortal's cities blinded him he was constantly reminded of how different their technology was from the Aesir ways. _

_The visit had been brief and yet meaningful- it had begun to snow and the silent streets and endless crowds and blinding lights... he had liked it. Not in a way that meant something- but in a way one cherished moments that could only be remembered, not relived. _

_The Allfather had shown mercy by allowing him to rest before the punishment; what would it change, thought? What reason could there possibly be behind his actions?_

_Loki knew that by sleeping he would let himself be lulled into a false sense of security, but he was just so very tired._

_Tired of all the wants he had crammed into his mind and heart so that there was no space for more._

_Tired of watching his back.  
Tired of his own, twisted logic; the same logic that applied to each and every aspect of his being._

_The guards had placed him into a cell close to the weapon's vault. Was there a hidden meaning to that? If there was, it was hidden with the carefulness of Thor and his friends- Loki did not intend to try anything that would decrease his chances of survival._

_Execution was definitely a possible decision the king would have to consider choosing. _

_Instead of barging into the now heavily guarded vault, it was appropriate to show humility and a reasonable stroke of remorse. _

_How soft he could Odin make with such a small gesture as a genuine smile, fetched only for show, how easily even the greatest of liars could be fooled. But Odin would act more cautiously this time and a single wrong step could ruin the act. An emotional outburst of a larger scale would only raise suspicion; the much Loki could see himself enjoying seeing his brother's reaction. There was always guilt in the laugh he saved only for moments of Thor's extreme distress and yet it did not change a thing. What he felt or not felt did not matter. His actions spoke a much clearer language._

_His eyelids were heavy and he carefully settled down upon the makeshift mattress reserved for prisoners only. Every muscle of his body ached and the strain on his back almost turned him into a whimpering mess on the dirty ground. Loki wanted to double over and just stop hurting and make it stop..._

_He stayed silent and lay down with his hands across his chest, closing his eyes for the dreams never to come.  
Sleep did not make him travel far... the darkest place waited at the end of the tunnel._

* * *

In the dream, the sky is stretching as far as even a god's eyes can see. And beyond their borders there waits more. The dream knows no horizons, no seasons and no end. Sometimes it is there when he awakes and sometimes it is not; here there is the eye of the storm and yet it feels as though the catastrophe has long since occurred.

"So you have come again, little Asgardian", the deep voice tells him and this time he is not afraid.  
Not yet.

"I do not have much of a choice, have I?", Loki asks and never opens his eyes to the one nightmarish being, the one fear that still occupies his thoughts even in dreams.

The voice of his former leader and savior, his king and torturer, rumbles like thunder in his ears.

"You should have chosen better."

And suddenly they are not on the same side anymore, suddenly the raw flesh of the Eternal's hand wraps around his throat and he is lifted off the ground and can't breathe or speak or lie.

"All we have offered you have taken, young god, all I ever trusted you with you have failed."

Fear does not show up in the darkest place. In times like these it vanishes completely, leaving the hole to be filled by something, just something else.

This time, it is anger.

"You have taken more than I could ever give already", Loki spits, "And yet you are right, so right with me not living up to your expectations... but how could I ever hope to reach your standards?" His voice turns smooth and pleasant and filled with a growing respect he could not muster for anyone else.

"Continue."

The grip loosens, but it never breaks.

"I can make it right. I can do better", he says with a strength he does not feel, "I know their strengths now, I know where to strike and when to let go. I can overpower them if I play their emotions- I can do it."

"I have heard you say that before in the face of further torture."

"And yet you know I speak the truth. I cannot lie to you", Loki tries to convince his captor, "I will ensure they cannot stop you- I shall make them rot from the insides and twist the poisoned knifes in their hearts. Launch your attack on earth once more; this time, I will not be as careless. I will ruin them from within, slowly, intimately, in every way I know they fear."

The lies pour from his mouth, fake promises and false assurances of a power he does not have and yet he knows for sure he will wake up alive. For a brief moment, he feels himself dancing on the blade of a knife, angering the storm just a tad too much...

"You know how to come up with excuses and lies to please people- but all I see is a spoiled child frightened by the vision of pain. How can I ever trust you will live to see the invasion start?"

"I do not expect your trust. And even if I failed you would not even bother looking twice- there will be no harm done to your forces", Loki tries once more, "And my death would provoke a war with Asgard... which you would surely win, but casualties are beginning to mount. It is not worth another million Chitauri lives. If I live to die in battle, you are free of charge and never even forced to pass the Aesir defenses."

And then he stays silent and simply pants as the oxygen begins to fade and so does he.

"I shall accept your most gracious offer", the Eternal replies all off a sudden and grins, "And wait for your next failure to finally prove immortals can die."

Loki wants to answer in a manner that would not indicate utter defeat, but the darkest place fades already.

It vanishes as soon as he opens his eyes.

* * *

_His dreams were not only dreams, of course. But all he could remember was the timeless place Thanos occupied- all that happened besides the conversations was hidden from him and yet too close, way too near._

_Loki did not have to experience the methods of the alien race another time, his memories were very vivid. It would suffice._

_And yet his body screamed with pain as he awoke, searing lines of agony racing through the veins that were supposed to carry blood, not poison. He opened his mouth to emit at least a single sound to do something other than enduring what they did to him still; but he could not even produce as much as a whimper. It never left his mind. His brain and chest felt too tight to cope with what the chaos he felt in himself; but what could he possibly do?_

_"Brother? Are you unwell?"_

_The voice was so hideously comforting it just made Loki want to jump to his feet and shove the pain down his brother's throat so that he could suffer what he so loved to pity._

_The grin crept on his face, forcing his muscles to move into the well-learned grimace he practiced each day. His lips twitched until he moved them to reveal teeth like an animal threatening any attackers- and yet he is the king of cowards and lies and the cruel smile reached his eyes and infected them with the dangerous masquerade._

_Pushing his body up until he could sit with his back against the wall, so cold, so cold and yet his only. Reaching for the power he had promised to lend to another._

_Thor was standing outside the cell, hands pressed to the bars, a guard next to him. _

_"The last minutes he has screamed at the top of his lungs, my prince, it was only now that he awoke it ceased", the Aesir explained and eyed Loki suspiciously._

_"I see. Have his wounds been treated?"_

_"Briefly. It is too dangerous to approach him now; it is likely he is feigning the pain."_

_"Yes it is", Thor replied curtly, "I thank you for your care. You may leave now."_

_"I would recommend not-"_

_"I can handle it."_

_The guard still seemed less than convinced, but bowed deeply and left._

_Loki breathed heavily; although his eyes twinkled with the fake grin's consequences. It promised him safety and that was enough for now. Until the pain set in, that was._

_In the darkest place he did not feel it, nor did he remember what was done to him- but the scars it left still showed and he bled out on the prison floor nonetheless. As panic followed pain, he heard his breathing hitch and his voice break as he let a stream of incoherent words escape. A noise behind him startled him and he jumped forward in a violent rush, spinning around to see what was there- just the wall, only the wall... _

_Scrambling backwards on the ground as his vision swayed, he briefly realized he was hallucinating. Or was he?_

_The walls seemed to come closer and had it always been that cold? Loki could feel the ice burning in his lungs and the snow soothing him into a sweet, lethal sleep._

_Thor's voice had become a faint reminder of the cell as it faded out of his mind. _

_There was blood on his hand as he looked down, a huge gush gracing his stomach and that was it._

_Loki screamed and tried to press his hands to the wound, but he was too weak already, too far gone and he would die. It was a sudden realization and it sent him falling onto the mattress, hyperventilating. Not here, not like that, not with Thor watching the humiliation._

_And then it suddenly did not matter anymore as his lungs could no longer fill with air and he gasped and desperately reached for oxygen, heat shooting through his body in small bursts. His heart beat as fast as one could blink his eyes and he felt every last of the contractions it sent itself through._

_It was the Eternal's warning, he knew. And a promise._

_When he could finally pull his senses together and see, he noticed the wall still pressing against his back. He had hugged his legs to his body and rested his forehead on his knees and somehow it felt wrong to be so vulnerable._

_And then there was Thor. _

_Loki would have laughed at him, naturally ignoring the guard's warning and entering the mass murderer's cell, but he did not today. The god of thunder had not tried to stop him by force nor had he called for help- he was there. And there was so much better than gone right now._

_Thor did not ask questions or gave answer to what he hoped were the right ones- he simply watched over whom he still called his brother._

_And as he pulled Loki close just to show he was still there, neither of them managed to mind it was no longer the right place and time to be brothers. _

_It promised so much, Loki almost believed it could change something; but Thanos' promises were so much stronger._

_But for a moment he would allow himself to feel safe. _

_Just for this moment._


	4. Lies make it better, lies are forever

**I am gracious today. Been a shitty month for me so far and I feel like polishing up my karma by posting stuff. Not really. Here you go.**

**This chapter is a bit shorter than most of the rest, so it is just fair for me not to wait until Sunday with it.  
I appreciate all your support and I am really surprised by the amount of followers this story has right now! I will not forget that. 3**

**Thank you, have fun and stay tuned for more.**

* * *

**Third: Lies make it better, lies are forever**

_And again they forced him to kneel and bow his head before the king. _

_Loki obeyed, but his fear for the punishment that awaited him was little. Odin was a fool and his beloved first son would have told him by now how remorseful and pained the culprit had seemed in prison. How tortured._

_Loki smiled behind the muzzle which had been so graciously returned to him. The trial was over, he did not need to defend himself in front of the court. He should be angry he was denied this most basic of rights, but in reality he felt endless gratefulness. The gods of Asgard did not like him and his presence; he would have made it worse by speaking. So much worse, like all those times before._

_"Loki Laufeyson."_

_The Allfather's voice silenced all faceless voices in the room immediately. Once he began talking, he demanded attention and attention he received._

_Loki was not sure if he preferred to be addressed by his true name. It sounded wrong and yet he would not complain; he had asked for it for so long he had not expected somebody to acknowledge it._

_"As a citizen of Asgard, your punishment is to be measured according to our laws. You have learned of your charges and the evidence to prove your guilt", Odin continued matter-of-factly, "Is there anything you want to add?"_

_Loki shook his head without ever looking up. Soon he would fight back, but now was now the time. Now he had to create the facade that would save his life._

_Odin nodded._

_"Very well", he concluded, "Does any other man or woman present want to speak up in favor or to the detriment of the accused?" _

_The crowd stayed silent. Of course they did. But even though they did not help him, they did not condemn him either._

_"So it shall be", Odin said. His expression was unreadable._

_"Albeit you are still considered a member of the royal family, you have chosen to cast aside all bonds you consider useless. I will respect this decision", he continued, "Stand up."_

_Loki forced a look of grief onto his face, hoping it would convince even those who were trained to read him. As he stood up and saw their surprised and sorrowful faces, he knew he had succeeded. _

_"Your crimes against Jotunheim and Midgard are worthy of death, but as your father I am aware execution would rather please you than be a punishment. As Thor once faced banishment, so will you."_

_Loki was not sure what to make of it. Banishment was nothing that could hurt him, he would be locked away up until a certain time had passed and then they had to release him- he allowed himself to relax._

_"However, banishing you to Jotunheim would be equivalent to an execution. You shall face your punishment on Earth."_

_Loki kept himself from smiling. Separated from the vault that held Thanos' treasure was bad- but returning to Midgard was an incredibly lucky coincidence. He sensed something was wrong, but his inner content kept him from worrying too much._

_Later, he was not sure if Odin had noticed this very second something was wrong._

_"In the name of my father and his father before, I take from you your power", the Allfather said and let Gugnir's tip crash down on the ground._

_Loki was not sure if this punishment was worse than the Chitauri torture. It did not hurt him physically- but as all that defined him began to drain from his body, he gasped and dropped to one knee, steadying himself with his hands. The floor burned him and he noticed violent shivers ran through his very being._

_Was it the magic Odin took from him?  
Loki felt violated as the feeling ceased, stripped bare before all of Asgard. His armor might shield his body from their weapons, but his mind had been exposed. _

_Odin waited until he had composed himself before he continued._

_"Remove the muzzle."_

_The guards did as they were told; their movements lacked any gentleness and Loki hissed in pain as the metal tore his skin deeply._

_"My son", Odin began slowly, "Was the war that you desired to lead Jotunheim into an act to save Asgard?"_

_For a moment it seemed as though time was standing still for all of them._

_Loki wanted to deny being a son of Odin's.  
He wanted to explain how he had intended to save their lives only._

_He wanted to lie._

_"No. All I ever wanted to achieve back at the day was to prove myself worthy of your affection. It is not my goal now", he said._

_And it felt like a dream, a horrifying, twisted dream only Odin could come up with._

_Loki lost the facade meant to acquire the sympathy of the court._

_"What did you do to me?", he screamed with all the hate he felt and tried to charge forward as the guards grabbed him and forced him down. On his knees, again._

_Odin looked at him with true grief this time._

_"I took your power to lie and deceive."_

_It was the moment Loki completely lost his senses._

_What he yelled at the top of his lungs was not important, but it was truth; raw, punishing truth. And Asgard knew, for the first time, how they looked in his eyes, how pitiful their existences seemed to him and how much he had wished to be just as pitiful. He listened to spiteful sentiments he had barely known to have and he enjoyed their faces._

_"That is enough, Loki", Odin said softly and yet with incredible force._

_"No. It will never be enough", Loki answered and chuckled. The muzzle cut his flesh once more as it was placed on his face, but his eyes still laughed._

_"One day I hope you shall know you do not have to prove yourself"; Odin said quietly. It was no statement of a king, it was a father's and Loki knew. _

_And he mentally thanked him for the muzzle._

_Whatever truth there was to reveal, he did not want to hear it._

* * *

"Cool story", Tony said and shrugged, "So hey, is it true you got laid by that horse?"

Loki was not sure what he was talking about and simply shook his head.  
"Whatever", the mortal continued and struggled to get to his feet, "What was that fit you threw, anyway? I was ready to call an exorcist any second."

"I intended to kill you. The Allfather's magic stopped me."

Tony nodded.

"Cool", he repeated, "But really, does that magic thingy damage you? You look like shit."

"It does not matter to you if I am wounded in the process, now does it?"

"It does as long as it is my carpet you are ruining with uncivil amounts of blood", Tony replied and extended a hand.

Loki eyed it with more suspicion than he could usually muster.

"Come on. You are basically dying on the floor of an enemy, forced not to lie and completely and utterly at S.H.I.E.L.D.'s mercy. Might as well trust me and get help. Can't get much worse, eh?"

For a moment, he feared he had gone too far and prepared himself for a fight to death with an injured but really pissed-off god in messy black prison clothes that made him look like a serious karate champion.

Loki grinned.

"Might as well", he said and pushed himself up to get back on his feet as well, ignoring the hand. It looked as though he could make it for a few seconds; then he clenched his teeth and fell backwards.

Tony managed to grab him before he hit the ground.

"Come on. I will get you a place to lie down and check your wounds", he sighed and struggled to keep the god upright.

Loki coughed and sprayed blood on his suit.

"Why do you even bother?"

"Well, your over-protective big brother practically ordered me to. I may be a superhero, but last time I checked, his freaking hammer could smash me nonetheless", Tony said and shrugged, "Yeah, you kinda, sorta threw me out of my own window and never even apologized, but I can't really hold a grudge anyway. It's not like I want to help you, it's more that I couldn't live with not doing anything."

Loki trembled, but rather with laughter than pain.

"Then you are a fool."

"You're welcome, asshole."

* * *

Of course he had not told Stark the whole story. He never mentioned the prison he had been in or Thanos or what had happened after he woke up. It was unnecessary and no lie. As long as no one asked for it, he would stay quiet about it.

And if they did ask... he was still stronger than them.  
Should Stark ever make the mistake of pitying him again, Loki knew he could snap a mortal's neck fast enough. Now that he knew what Odin's spell felt like he could resist it.

He could not fail Thanos, not again.

And he would not.


	5. I'm sick and I'm twisted

**Hey derrrr! Thank you all for your continous support, I feel honoured to have so many people waiting for me to get my lazy as- you know, writing and stuff. Eheh.**

**If you have not checked it out yet, there still is a poll on my profile to vote for two pairings you would like to see me writing about... would be wonderful if you dedicated a little of your time to help me out and decided who it shall be ;) **

**Another thing: This is still the kind-of-follow-up to The Darkest Place which you can find on my profile, as well as that little oneshot I wrote about Loki and Thor, Running Up That Hill. So, shameless self-ad finished, if you like this story, you might like those as well! Thank you already.**

**So, enjoy my favourite two characters of Avengers interact! **

**Love you all. Hippie-Serenity is happy.**

* * *

**Fourth: I'm sick and I'm twisted; I'm broken you can't fix it**

Steve had no idea what he was doing.

A few hours ago he had received a spontaneous call from Tony who had asked him to come immediately and tell no one about it. Steve did not know much about this time, even though he started to learn, but he somehow suspected his friend only intended to throw some kind of party to get him a girl.

It had turned out that was not the case and Steve was sure he did not mind missing the opportunity.

Instead of flirting with one of Tony's fans he sat beside the bed of a former supervillain and busied himself with changing the damp cloth on his forehead.

"You know, I am actually kind of grateful. You saved me from many awkward conversations", Steve said and shook his head.

Apparently Loki had lost consciousness a few minutes after he had arrived with Thor and Tony had brought him into a spare room on the fifty-sixth floor. The god seemed to have declined any medical treatment and actually _asked_ for a place to rest.

Steve was not sure what to think about the whole affair, but he was definitely no one who let injured people or enemies die when they needed help. And Loki was Thor's brother, too- there was no way he could do anything besides assist and support.

Steve sighed and went to the sink in a nearby bathroom to prepare another cloth. If the fever did not go down, the god would... yeah, what was it that could happen? One of the major problem with treating an alien patient was the fact nobody on Earth actually knew what to do. And as much as Steve knew, Loki was not even an immortal, but some kind of ice being. A fever could not be pleasant for him.

The much he liked Tony Stark, he had expected the man to crack and kill Thor's brother instead of allowing him to sleep in his house without any excessive security measures. Apparently he had expected all wrong again.

In his times as a soldier in World War II, he had learned to both love and hate his ability to show compassion for those who did not deserve it- but who was he to judge them? Who was he to decide who should get a second chance?  
If Loki was to serve his punishment on Midgard, Steve would be the last to try and make his hatred for the realm worse. Maybe the thinking was naive, but he thought that maybe, if they tried hard enough, they could show even the psychopathic god he did not have to destroy them all.

Loki groaned and Steve focused on what he was supposed to do again. Help.

"Can you hear me?", he asked and felt ridiculous to even try and talk to the man again after he had just failed to take over a planet.

"Because if you can, just say a word so that I know you're alright."

Loki coughed weakly. He needed a few moments, but he managed to open his eyes.

"You", he pointed out and tried to push himself up so that he could sit. He succeeded but it seemed to cost himself all of his strength.

"Um, yeah. Me", Steve replied dully, "Good to see you're alright."

Loki tilted his head ever so slightly and watched the soldier closely as though he could figure out where his weird thoughts came from.

"If you were wondering, Tony called me in. I'm still not completely sure why he chose me of all people, but hey, here I am."

"Rogers, was it?" The question was curt and precise. Way too calm for someone who stayed in enemy territory.

"Well, technically that's me. Call me Steve, though. I wouldn't want to believe you gave a damn about manners anyway."

Loki smirked and closed his eyes as he leaned back against the bedpost.

"I gather Stark has informed you of my condition, then. Good. That should simplify the process."

"The thing about only telling the truth? Yeah, I heard. But I'll leave the awkward questions to Tony and Director Fury", Steve confirmed and smiled a wary smile he reserved for the rare occasions he talked to an agent of chaos like he did now.

Then he reached out to get the cloth to change it.

Loki practically jumped backwards out of his reach, out of the bed and pressed his back into the corners of the room. First Steve believed he had a panic attack, but the god did not tremble, nor did he look particularly frightened; cautious, yes, but not scared.

"Hey, calm down"; Steve tried to say as soothing as possible to prevent a fight, "I don't want to hurt you. But you're still having a fever and I thought if we got to cool you down it would get better and so I-" He stopped talking.

Loki's expression could only be described as bewildered.

"Are you trying to alleviate my pain, mortal?", he asked and tried to regain his posture, "I will not fall for your tricks."

Steve sighed. He had expected this to happen if he thought about it and it was no thing he had looked forward to.  
"I know you won't believe me if I tell you I mean no harm, but honestly? There is no way I can prove it to you if you won't let me. And the fact that you are still alive and not even imprisoned should be indication enough."

Loki seemed to consider this and straightened up.

"I do not have much of a choice, do I? As far as I can tell, you and the man of iron are what can keep me alive. Any weaker mortal would have killed me by now." His steps were slow and cautious, but at least he walked closer and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Well, I suppose so", Steve replied and shrugged, "But, you know... even though you have done terrible things, it would not be right to humiliate you. I bet it is pretty bad being mortal already, for a god, I mean, and... it just isn't who we are."

"Then you are naive. You and your friends."

"Somebody told me I was a good man once, maybe that is part of it. You think I am too stupid to harm you, don't you?"

Loki looked at him with a blank expression, but that was enough for Steve to know he had been right.  
Many people thought so- being a good man necessarily included being naive and easy to deceive. But that did not mean he was stupid; it just meant he chose to do what he thought was right even though he knew if would hurt him.

"No offense, of course. I am not really one to hold a grudge. I simply know what people think of me."

Steve strode over to the not-quite-captive.

"So, how is your fever doing?", he asked without giving the god a chance to reply, "Thor told us about your family and I figured a fever could be really detrimental to your whole healing process-"

Loki jumped to his feet.

"Thor did _what_?", he hissed, "He did not have the right to tell you anything! Whatever petty excuse he wanted to fuel with this kind of _shenanigan_... was it what made you join him? Did you believe it would be so easily justified to slay me once you knew what I am?"

The truth wrangled itself free from his throat until it sounded so true it hurt to hear. But Steve noticed Loki's hate had long since ceased, it was a pitiful reminder of what had once been. Now his voice was resigned and strained; although still not regretful.

"He said it did not matter to him. And it didn't make any difference for any of us. I couldn't care less where you come from, as long as you hurt people, I am going to stop you. Now you don't, so I do what I can to keep it that way", Steve interrupted him calmly.

Loki shook his head.

"I do not believe you."

"Well, that doesn't matter to me. Simply because you are not going to accept any of it doesn't make it a lie."

"That does not-"

Loki stopped talking and violently clenched his teeth. His eyes fluttered shut and Steve could tell he tensed.

"Hey, are you alright?"

No answer.

"Are you-"

"_I never wanted the throne!_", Loki said suddenly, "_I only ever wanted to be your equal!_"

"What? What do you mean? What throne?"

"_It shall be alright. Always alright, always the end..._"

Steve wanted to do something, just something to stop Loki from talking like the madman he probably was. He wondered briefly if a hit in the face would do the trick, but he was still too surprised by the whole affair to try it.

And suddenly Loki grabbed his arm and urged him closer, his eyes wild and white and wicked.

"_They will come. As they have come for me. As they have always come for people like me._"

Something about the expression on his face was wrong and so not-Loki it scared Steve. He had seen the god angry, insane and content even, as his plans began to unfold, but this was different. It was as though some darker, greater and more powerful entity had taken control of the otherwise so proud deity.

And Steve had no idea what to do- he had no experience with bodysnatchers or whatever aliens that took over people's minds; but he knew how to ease a panicking person.

"Loki, focus now. Look at me and calm down", he said, "Get yourself together, this is not you, this is not who you want to be and I am the not person you intend to tell all this. Remember who you are and how you came here."

_The darkest place is a frightening place even at daytime. There is no sun, there is no sky colored blue and bright and shining, there are no clouds. _

_How he wished for rain right now, how beautiful a simple natural occurrence like that seems in the longest of nights. _

_They make him remember all the times before. They force his torture back into his head and double the intensity until there is nothing left of him. Failure is so close and they know it. They have always known._

"Get yourself together! You can fight it!"

_Loki knows he cannot fight their mind-control. It is the first time they use it so he hurts himself in an attempt to get away, though, they know he will try to escape even though there is no chance of survival._

_All living creatures fight facing death. All of them evoke the same pathetic wish in their last minutes._

"You idiot! Don't you see what it would do to you? What it does to your brother already?"

_They just want to **live**. They want to breathe and move and feel until they cannot take it anymore- and then they want to do it all over again. And it is a reflex, an urge, a natural obligation to fight for it. _

_He wants to give up so badly. Only for his own gain._

_But they will not let him, won't ever let go of him and yet..._

Steve hit the god across the face.

Loki returned to his body right away and grabbed the soldier's hand before it could strike again. For a few seconds, the two men looked at one another, unsure of the events that still shook them to the core.

"Was that... what they did to you?"

"Not only", Loki replied drily, "And yet they did so much more. Bust most of all it was me, only me, always me..." He stopped and shook his head.

"The Chitauri?"

"They reclaimed me every once in a while. And they still do."

Steve quietly removed Loki's hand from his and sat down beside the god.

"You know, I believe you could actually use our help."

"You cannot help me. I do not even want to be saved."

Steve shrugged.

"If you say so. But, you know, if you ever feel the need to talk about it, I am quite the good listener. And free for most of the evenings, anyway."

Loki did not smile.

"I do not want your help."

Steve laughed and got up. Before he left the room, he turned around once.

"But you need it, don't you?"

Loki did not reply. It was so much easier not to lie.


	6. My conscience, it's vicious

**Once a week is not enough, I noticed that now. I need to post more. I am sorry for not realizing that sooner.**

**I thank everyone for the support and all the reviews and alerts and faves :)) It means a lot to me and I know that I can never really show how much I appreciate it. Just listening to "Iron Man" by Black Sabbath, headbanging while writing this. Excuse any spelling mistakes it may produce.**

* * *

**Fifth: My conscience, it's vicious**

They let him stride around the apartments freely. They knew he could not hurt anyone nor lie his way out of the confinement. All his wiggling and struggling with words would do him no good.

Loki felt as though the spells cramped him into a silent, disturbing place inside himself, one he had never seen before. It trapped him, this miserable force of tormenting truth and revolting revelation.

They noticed, of course. The doctor would look up from his books when he passed by. The man of iron fetched him a smile. The assassin frowned. The other god pitied. The soldier cared. The hawk...

"You should not stand this close to the fucking edge. I wouldn't want to find you as a splotch on the pavement, now would I?"  
Loki hated his voice. It had spoken only truth before and now it could achieve what he, as a deity, would never do again. Lies defined him, unraveled his deformed soul and ravished all that was left of his mind. Loki needed lies as much as they needed him to be told. They were like old lovers, faithful and loyal, never leaving each other's sides.

He could not lie to Barton, either.

The balcony allowed him to look at the stars at night; there was no place he could call home among them, but that did only matter sometimes. Most of the time their light soothed him.  
An entity set in stone, a monument was all he could not be. Order. Peace. Silence.

Loki was noise, he was a storm and chaos of all things.

But what was he now? A shell? A monster? A rightful king?

"I am not sure if there is any difference left, any of all", he said, not knowing who we was talking to.

Barton cautiously walked closer to the railing.

"Because no matter who talks, it is always me listening, me scheming, me in the end with the weapon in hand. I cannot stop it, cannot mend it, cannot..."

Loki kept on talking, saying so much and nothing at all. It would never change. He could never change.

"Who is it you are talking to, Barton? Who is it you still see?"

The archer never even flinched. He crossed his arms before his chest and shrugged.

"I see you going insane with truth. I can't bring myself to like it, though."

Loki looked at him with scared eyes and a blank face.

"Why not? It is punishment, it is justice, it is... as right as I am false. As real as I am wrong."

Barton's stare never wavered.

"It is never right to take what one values most."

* * *

_The darkest place is always waiting for him when the dreams end. Where the dreams show weakness, the darkest place demands his strength. And what it wants will be given willingly._

_Loki loves the torture. It gives him power. It makes him feel alive. And alive he will be._

_His promise is made. His goal is set. _

_His heart is torn._

* * *

"How are you?", the doctor asked and yet all Loki heard was _"I will kill you, crunch you, force you into the very ground with the same strength you once owned, you will go down and down once more, until there is nothing left of you and all that you were, I want you dead, dead, dead"_

The green beast had not graced him with its presence, though. It would take some time, but it would appear. Loki knew how to create it within the now so innocent-looking man.

Banner sighed.

"I cannot help you if you don't talk, you know?"

"I do talk."

"So tell me. How are you?"

"I cannot answer this question honestly."

"Why is that?", Banner asked and he sounded less strained than expected.

"_They will never let you out_."

"Pardon?"

"_Locked up as the monster you are; you should be grateful an abomination like you is killed. Monster, monster, monster. What kind of vile creature you are. Vile and voracious and vain, so vain in your modesty."_

The words struggled free from his throat and he knew how dangerous they were. An uncontrolled groan escaped him as he managed to stop himself from revealing any more.

To his utter surprise Loki noticed Banner looked at him as calm as ever.

"Is that what you think of me? Or do they force it into your head like you did with Clint?"

The god was no god here. He was a mortal, fragile child that was forced to speak his mind, speak his _heart_ and always fail because mind and heart were barely the same. What he felt was useless, as much as he tried to form words to express what there was- did he know? He was not sure.

It could have been a breeze, for all he knew, that would knock him out and render him petrified and meaningless. Maybe it was. It did not matter.

"Both. Sometimes it is one and sometimes the other", he said flatly and his eyes died right away, "But it is always true. What else is there? Truth. Always truth, so blunt and rare and _raw_. So much flesh needs to be torn to set a mark. To make a statement."

Loki's eyes grew wide.

"It will be alright, will it not? It shall be. Or so they have said. Once my time comes, you will see it worked. Like a machine born of human desire and passion it shall function as one, as a masterpiece, your one and only. And then again it will mean nothing to either of you."

Banner listened and furrowed his brow.

"Am I tiring you, doctor?", Loki asked him and choked on his laughter, "_Whoever I am, there is more of you. Always one more. So what excuse do you have? Which is mine? A vendetta will come with time. Born of rain and storms and thunder. It will not stop before you, doctor, it will swallow you whole once your body has been turned inside out, outside in, all the way up and down until the last drop falls."_

He leaned forward in his chair.

"_But doctor, did you know?_", he whispered and showed his ridiculously white teeth, "_They will love when they tear me apart."_

* * *

_In the darkest place, the time is still not ticking away. They give him days, years, lifetimes to enjoy before they take it once more... and suddenly the god is an old, old man forced into a nameless grave with no mark on it. No one speaks up as he burns to ashes and is left on the ground._

* * *

Natasha hated him with a passion and kissed him in his dreams. Only once, maybe, more than twice, for sure. And yet he knew that by the time it happened in a timeful place, a placeless time, he would be dead. Her affection would be the death of him.

"Speak to me"; she demanded and yet all he heard was a wish for redemption. He could not give her what she wanted.

"_Bless your flawless soul, Widow. Bless its one and only contained purity. Its virgin qualities of unstained papers impress me, amaze me, disgust all of you. Will it change, Widow? Will it change ever?"_", he spit before her feet, one word after another, "_Loved me and loathed me and just went on living. As you did. As they all wanted to. And who were you? Just a girl trying to grow up as fast as the world allows her to do."_

Her eyes never changed their color as his did. They never lost control even as she did.

The pain was a welcome reminder of who he was. A wonderful, shining glitter of hope.

It felt like a victory.

_And yet the darkest place is as young as he is, as twisted as he tries to be. Have they heard his promise? Have they witnessed his screams?  
Loki does not mind._

_A dream is a dream is a dream, was it never?_

_And so it is._


	7. Weep for yourself

**Here you go, a chapter in the middle of the week!  
I am so glad you all enjoy reading as much as I loved writing it. So here, have some banana banana terracotta terracotta pie. **

* * *

**Sixth: Weep for yourself**

First their stares turned soft. It was this little indication that showed Loki how far he had gone and how much he had lost.

Then they started talking to him. It couldn't have been worse.

Thor and the others watched Loki as he writhed in his sleep, chained to the bed and trapped in a dream so much worse than he deserved. Or so the god of thunder thought; the others seemed not as affected as he was.

But how could he blame them? What they had endured could not be mended by torture.

Loki's eyes were opened wide, but he did not see. His breathing was hitched, but he did not live.

Whatever they did to him, the true monsters, the real threat- it killed him as slowly as they deemed fit.

But who could blame even them? Loki was responsible for the death of millions of their people as well. There was no way his actions could be justified... and yet Thor wanted to get rid of all the guilt and blood and hatred his still-brother held. It was a decision he would have to make once he was king- mind and heart had to be separated as soon as possible.

"Is your father doing this?"

Steve's question was innocent and without any thought. But everyone else knew it stirred something darker within the two brothers. It would always bring up the topic no one wanted to avoid more desperately than Thor.

"I do not know. But there is no reason to treat Loki this way. It does not help him nor does it force him to change his ways. It is done for the sole purpose of seeing a god die, my friend", he said and did not smile. He wanted to appear strong and confident as he had always been, but how could he?

Barton and Romanoff had left for Russia this morning. They would return in time, but probably not fast enough to offer their aid.

Hawkeye had told Thor he had forgiven Loki. Not because he wanted to, but because he needed to let it rest- and if killing the god was no possibility it had to be done a different way.

It did not matter.

"I can help him if you get to stop the seizures"; Bruce said quietly, "You need to get him away from wherever he is. Whatever it is they do to him, they are doing it there."

Thor nodded.

"I cannot."

"Pardon?", Tony asked and stepped closer, "Sorry, but that sounded as though you denied the little brother you claimed to love so much every help you are able to give. Could be wrong, though."

Thor sighed deeply and turned his back on them. Did they not see?  
"I am not allowed to help Loki during his punishment here."

"Yeah, but still, since he is dying and all that-"

"I cannot, man of iron", Thor interrupted sternly, "And I do not have to anymore. Every connection he once claimed he had is gone now. Loki has screamed at me in his sleep, knowing we are not related. He told me to leave and so I shall."

It broke his heart the second he said it. There were different reasons he had to leave, but he needed the Avengers to see. If he told them that he feared the rejection in his brother's eyes, if he told them how Odin had promised the Chitauri not to ail the god so that they would not reclaim him- they would not understand.

"You are the boss, surfer-boy. So what are we supposed to do? I cannot take a thousand years off to hold your brother's hand", Tony complained.

Steve shot him a glare.

"If you want us to keep him imprisoned until... until another option arises, we will do that. You're one of us and we know what he means to you."

Thor nodded slowly.

He stretched out a hand to touch his brother's hand, squeeze it so he knew everything was alright and they would be well one day and they would be family once more... but he never did.

* * *

As Loki woke up from the most troubled of times, they were still by his side. The stupid, insolent mortals daring to defy him had waited for him to wake up. Of course that did not change anything; they tortured him with questions and inquired if he was_ alright_.

And even though he knew not to trust them, it just felt good to see their concern. It was honest, and if only for a second, he allowed them to feel that way.

He would crush their hopes. He had to.

* * *

Bruce gripped the railing close to the stairs and squeezed until the metal gave in. The cold soothed him. So did the blood spilling on the carpet. It filled him with pride he could injure himself; it meant another level of control. Later he would have to pay for this little second of undeserved glory. Modesty was forced down upon him... it angered him, fueled his rage, seethed inside him until the boiling got too strong, too overwhelming and-

"Bruce? You okay?"

The soft words practically ripped him off his transformation. It had been almost two months since the last one... he was getting better at taming the monster; but he would never get used to it. How could he?

Steve walked up the stairs behind him. His expression was calm, but Bruce noticed how he licked his lips every ten second. Nervous habit always first occurred to him- he needed to study people for a living.  
"Can we talk?", the soldier our of time bluntly asked a second later.

Bruce had waited for this. They wanted him gone, wanted him dead and unmoving and out of every breath he ever dared to hold... the beginning and the end were always the same, like the snake biting its own tail and always going round and round until the world stopped existing.

"It's about Tony", Steve went on and Bruce's shoulders relaxed with relief. Not him. Not this time.

"Of course. Let's get upstairs."

The two of them were far from being friends, but they shared this interest in their team members. When the necessity arose, they would talk and decide who needed their help.

So who would help them, Bruce asked himself, who would be there if they were just so very _sick_ of being strong? So _sick _of always giving and gifting and offering the strength he needed himself?

The tower could look so very dark in broad daylight. Be so very cold.

Steve shook his head.

"It gets to him, you know? He always thinks we wouldn't notice, he still thinks we would not care and laugh at him for being _weaker_ than the rest of us" he started hurriedly and took a deep breath to calm his voice before he went on, "But he looks worse every day. Whatever the Chitauri did to freaking Loki, Tony sees Afghanistan. And, surely you agree with me, who could blame him?"

Bruce's thoughts were so far away, but he nodded nonetheless.

"Talk to him."

He looked up in surprise and saw the desperate expression on Steve's face.

"Why me? I am not good with words."

"But you... you..."

Bruce crossed his arms before his chest.  
"What is it you really wanted to talk to me about?"

Steve opened his mouth to say something and closed it again immediately. With a frustrated groan he sat down on the stairs and buried his face in his hands.

Silence could be so very loud.

* * *

Clint did not sleep this night.

The light so gently caressing the covers, almost as gently as his fingers ran through Natasha's hair. She slept next to him, as she had done the past years. Every day, every night and yet they were friends and friends only. He could not even bring himself to mind, no matter how much it hurt and how wrong it was for him to touch her with nothing but intentions she would never know. Was he selfish? Oh yes, as selfish as they let him. How couldn't he?

His body shivered and there it was again, the blue light. Too far to reach and too close not to notice... it was torture to want something that could destroy you. Disown you. Help you.

So he ran, as far as he could, curling up inside himself until he stopped shaking_, for godssake_, just stopped trembling. The world did not make sense anymore.

It was the Tesseract, or its influence, that had left a hole inside him, somewhere close to all the sentiment and dreaming and visions, oh, so many visions of so much more than him. And he wanted things to be easy once more, to believe in what he did and be good with it- he wanted to crack the magician's skull so that his spell left this world- but he couldn't.

Loki had shown him. The truth and _his_ dreams and what was left of it. Clint wanted to stop. How could he?

So who judged him, as the first and last of the saints and sinners left to improve the world... or had that been the goal?

Natasha stirred beside him and Clint buried his face in her hair. How he craved to be happy, happier than joy itself. Happy to just live and be alright.

His tears were silent once more and he was disgusted by the choking feeling in his stomach and everything the crying took of him. The darkest of exorcisms let him grip the sheets with enough force to snap another man's neck or a thousand children's.

Natasha waited silently as Clint spilled her heart to her while he thought her sleeping. Talked to her for hours and hours to no end and all she did was stare into the darkness around her.

He wanted her to be strong for him.

How could she?

* * *

Tony swallowed hard and ran a hand through his hair, again and again until he felt his scalp bleeding and his mouth run dry. His eyes burned from the inside, with more than just tears. He was not sad, not sad at all.

_A flash of sparks. The smell of metal and blood and leather._

He rested his head on the desk and continued staring at the wall.

_An outcry. Gunshots. Screams. And fire, always fire. Gunshots, loud enough to end or create a world._

Outside, the sun was rising.


	8. Intermission's a mission on its own

**Thanks for sticking with me all this time. Thanks for being awesome, you all out there.**

* * *

**Seventh: Intermission's a mission on its own**

In a time of nonsense and an age of confusion, the midgardian culture still held no surprises to him. As he managed to get up for the first time, it was the man out of time that took his time to try and teach Loki about the miracles of mortal technology.

"I know", the god said every ten seconds and he saw the smile on Roger's face fade.

"I appreciate your concern", Loki added and felt ridiculous to state the truth.

The mortal smiled ludicrously wide and continued showing off the coffeemaker.

"How do you know so much about a place you despise?", he asked then and his tone sent the suspicion back into the god's mind. Not everyone was as stupid as they pretended to be. He had to be careful.

"I studied every last of the worlds when I was younger. It is only natural to learn about those you wish to fight, is it not?"

Steve smiled and a sinking feeling got hold of Loki. The trap had not been easy to see, he reassured himself, it was just a minor slip-up.

"So you knew it would lead to war, not to a brighter future."

There was no use denying it.

"Does that change anything, mortal? It should not."

"It doesn't, really. I was just wondering how crazy you actually were and how much of it was simple rage or other pent-up emotions."

"You are not as stupid as they make you believe", Loki remarked and sneered, "But not as intelligent as you could be."

"You mean, if I joined you in taking over the world? Not gonna happen, my friend."

"If you stopped being as naive as you are. People will use your trust to their advantage one day or other."

"People like you?"

"Yes. It is always people like me."

* * *

_Bruce wondered if he should do something or just keep up the talk, the weak whisper of words while Steve decided to tell him of the fears that still ravaged through his otherwise so childish mind and left a mark. Each day they would intrude and leave him on the ground. On his knees, maybe._

_"I am not clever, Bruce, and I know as much. I am too dull to talk this out of Tony and I know as much... I wish I was different, I really do. I am strong, and yes, I am heroic or whatever you want to call it, in the old, naive way, but what good does this do **now**, Bruce? Who needs that?"_

_He laughed humorlessly._

_"Tony doesn't. Tony needs to talk to someone who can help him, someone as much of a genius as he is or at least... not me. I wish I could be his friend, but- that is not how it works, you know?"_

_Bruce kept silent. He did not know._

_"I took his father from him. I took his whole childhood and I did not even need to move. I can't... have you seen how he looks at me? Disappointed. If I was someone greater, maybe he would see what his father did, but all he sees is **me**. And in his eyes I am the wimp again, the skinny boy refused by the military and beaten up in some alleyway, the same man I still am, somehow."_

_He looked up with eyes full of hope. Never sadness. _

_"Talk to him, Bruce, will you? Tell him he does not have to do this all by himself. He needs a friend right now. Just not me."_

_Bruce felt like he had to kill someone as he replied._

_"No, Steve."_

* * *

Stark ran down the stairs with a grin on his face, his expression smug and triumphant.

"Ah, how I love to have people around. Nothing beats the company of a rage-monster, a reindeer and some star-spangled relic. Now that I mention it... that does sound like the start of some really bad joke", he said and stroked his beard as though he was deep in thought, "_A Hulk, a norse god and a war hero walked into a bar..._"

"You love the sound of that bar, don't you?", Bruce said drily and turned to face his book once more. The title printed on its backside was long enough to stop everyone from asking what it really was about.

"I do. How could I not?", Stark said and then turned to face the remaining people, "Did I get that right? You two are just running around this house, looking at things you can never hope to understand and stay in awkward silence?"

Steve looked at him with a certain tinge of annoyance.

"I do understand electricity. The thing with the fridge was an accident that could have happened to anybody."

Stark shook his head and wanted to smirk his trademark smirk- until he first actually acknowledged Loki's presence.

The humor was drained off him.

Their eyes met and all off a sudden Tony saw.  
The god knew.

The god did not pity him as all the others did.

He understood and that was all that mattered.

"Tony? Are you alright?", Bruce asked with concern and it was obvious he thought a fight was imminent. But even though Coulson would not be forgotten, in this very second, it was not Tony's top priority to mourn. The incredible selfishness a man could discover within his meek attitude was cruel and it would come in handy nonetheless.

His tongue was glued in his mouth as he knew his eyes turned darker with hope and the sudden _need_ to be helped.

Loki narrowed his eyes.

For a moment, he seemed to want to smile, but then he stopped himself.

"Stop staring at me. I do not desire your company either, so stay away, if you would", Loki said and turned away to sit on one of the couches. Apparently he had left a book there- it was a strange sight to see him sit next to Bruce and just _read_.

And the moment was gone, much to Tony's dismay.

His arc reactor hurt, as it had done the last few days. It was stress, keeping his heart rate up and running; every pulse send him shivering with fear, every snarky comment was produced by another seizure. Protection. All he needed was someone telling him all would be fine- or somebody to explain everything, every last anomaly the disorder brought.

Loki knew, of course, if anyone.

* * *

"We need to talk", Steve said, all off a sudden.

Tony looked at him and wanted it to be alright so badly it hurt. He wanted to be told something about them still being friends and never losing what had been the Avengers once, but _how could they ever_?

"Later, sparkles. Later", he said and wished Steve would insist on talking.  
But it was not that easy.

Fury appeared later that day.

Somebody tried to tell him Loki did not need to be imprisoned. Was it Tony himself? He could not tell.

And the god of mischief was suddenly nothing more than a number on a list with a short description of his abilities and likeliness to kill again;

the glass prison swallowed him whole.


	9. Make it stop, let this end

**Eighth: Make it stop, let this end**

_The darkest place is silent this night and so is he, pressed into the very last corner of his prison, hugging his legs tightly to himself. It is cold, but not dark. The lights are on to see him blind soon. It will only take a while._

_Loki hums to himself, a silent tune meant to calm him. It turns out to be the worst of choices._

_The lights flicker even brighter, immediately silencing him. Is it nighttime already? They always intensify the illumination at night._

_A man named fury should not be so calm. And why is he keeping quiet when the speakers force noise after noise into Loki's ears? _

_Emotion makes it easier, as soon as there is none there is nothing to work with. A lie is not based on rationality, it needs a basis to ripen and grow. _

_But there are no lies left to share. No words of confidence and arrogance._

_Loki knows they disowned him, all these beautiful golden gods in their shining sky. But he wants them back. All insults and pitying stares for a place to be. A prison, maybe, but at least they would not... they would never try to win his trust and then turn the information on him._

_He is not sad. _

_But the halls full off laughter and the mead running and wars waging and the coldest of ice is filling his thoughts, preoccupying him until all there is is a clash of memories, true and false and **his**._

_Loki knows it will not be long._

_Thanos **will **come and if he ever regretted his choice, he does not now. No matter how easily they have tricked him into a false sense of safety among their ludicrous concern and false conversations, it does not last. _

_Inside the darkest place, his superior appears. _

_Loki knows there are still eight fingers left to break if he refuses._

* * *

Pepper would not return before Monday and that was a week from now. Tony rested his head on the wooden table in his workshop and tried to focus. His head hurt from too many sleepless nights and even more cheap bottles of wine accompanying him.

He had no ideas anymore, nothing to help him carry on with his work. His mind was blank.

Tony hated himself for his weakness, this silly, childish way of always returning to the dimly lit cave to endure another nightmare, another steaming chunk of metal forced onto his flesh, another dead body, another shrapnel, scream, shot-

Tony closed his eyes. It would go away one day, the psychologist had told him. If he just kept talking, it would all go away.

"**So why doesn't it?**", he yelled as he got up and paced around the room, hands pressed against his temples, "**Why is it still there, always with me?**"

His reflection laughed at him, taunted him and smiled, so full of joy while the beams of sunlight burned his back. The world was cheering. The people were happy.  
Tony rammed his fist into the glass, shattering it to the last inch and suddenly, all went quiet.  
_Yinsen running ahead, he was not supposed to go alone, alone, lost and vulnerable, the gunshots, every last of it while he is just so__** still, uncaring, forced to stay **__and wait, always wait for the end of the noise and suddenly there is no sound anymore and he is free and fires away, one after the other and they are gone. _

He started screaming with his mouth wide open, cradling his head in his hands, eyes unfocused and widened.

Tony did not make a sound at all.

* * *

Steve smiled as he entered the prison cell.

"Hey there", he said and wandered around the limited space he was allowed to stay in. Every last space was held under close surveillance and after his last conflict with the SHIELD authority he was certain another misstep would get him in trouble.

As a simple soldier, he was the most expendable of the Avengers. Fury and his council believed Steve was too simple-minded to see that; but they always forgot he had not always been able to rely solely on his strength. All these years ago it had been so very different.

Loki looked up at him rather arrogantly. But not angry; his latest fascination with truth and revelations rendered him a rebellious martyr to his kingdom and army, the most desperate of them all. Walking a fine line between wrong and right, ever so close to the edge, waiting for the fall, was a strenuous task.

And yet Steve knew the god had no right to become as bitter as he was- he believed to be wronged and lied to; fueling his narcissism to an considerable extent no longer justified by childish need.

"What do you want, soldier? If you come to gloat, then go ahead. I cannot find anything amusing in an incarceration", Loki said and it made Steve's skin crawl with sympathy. The tough act was a gruesome disguise. It never helped and killed you constantly with the knowledge it was nothing more than a facade.

"I wanted to apologize for the sudden turn of events. It was Fury's idea, not ours. I tried to tell them a method like this would only be detrimental to your progress."

It obviously caught Loki by surprise.

"You _apologize_? To the god who tried to destroy your whole world and almost killed all your friends? _Forgive_ my behavior, but I do struggle with believing that", he spat and jumped to his feet.

Steve smiled. It was almost too easy.

"I apologize to your honesty. To the guy that wanted me to show him what a fridge his, not the monster you try to make yourself."

Loki seemed to relax, albeit he snorted bitterly as he turned away.

"You speak nonsense, mortal. Were you aware of my true nature... do not doubt what my past made me become."

Steve started to laugh, even though he admired the strength the god could still muster.

"You have no real right to complain, have you? You're a prince of a realm of gods. Maybe one day you can hear of Clint's past, or Natasha's, and then you can consider talking about a terrible childhood. You were brought up in royal surroundings, as I have heard, meant to be closest to the king."

Loki's reaction was not what he had expected.

Steve wanted to provoke the god, because emotions meant the start of betterment for him; but it seemed he had hit a nerve, an already and still bleeding wound that cut Loki in half.

The god did not even frown, he merely sank down onto the plank bed in his infinitely white prison while the walls were closing in on him and Steve wished suddenly he could take back what he just said; not because it was not right or Loki did not deserve it; he simply wanted to will the look on the prisoner's face away, far, far away, until nothing of it mattered anymore. As unjustified as his pain was, nobody needed this in times the pride was forced off the body while every privacy got torn away and thrown to the side.

Then Loki started laughing as he ran his hand through his hair. It was no mocking sound, no provocation or act of defiance. What an honest sound, a single display of true emotion.

"I know, right?", he said then and chuckled darkly.

"What a disgrace I am, yes? Weak and small and always _complaining_ about the attention I want, right? Is that what you see, mortal?"

Steve was taken aback. Of course he had known about the effect such a statement could have, but this was unexpected. Instead of asking Loki to stop, he suddenly felt as though he should keep him talking. Just talk, talk, talk, until it all went to hell. Sometimes all people needed was a good listener.

"I cannot blame you, really", the god continued and suddenly his voice sounded strained, "Always lying, backstabbing, deceiving, until there is no place to hide and not a single soul to watch my sleep and make sure I am not killed; but never relenting, yes? Never giving in and _how could I ever_? How could I stop _now_ and expect anyone to care?"

"You could always try."

"Oh, Rogers, I assure you I have. I have tried until my lungs gave in and my heart stopped beating, I _tried so badly to be different._ But I cannot be made right. I cannot be mended. This is what I am, this deeply hidden monster and all you see is all there is."

Loki shook his head.

"I demand your pity and a second from now I will push you away and despise your every word... but what is there to do when the rage pent-up inside you is just _too much_ and you forget your every word and all you can do is _let go_?", he whispered with such force.

Steve listened and felt himself sway. Too true. Too much.

"Loki, I did not-"

"_No!_", the god interrupted harshly and stood up once more, "This one time, I need you to listen! _Listen to me_!" His voice almost broke and it cut so deep, so very cleanly.

Steve took a step back. All he wanted was to run, while the truth was forced out of Loki; in his eyes there was hatred and torture and _shame_; it was not his doing, not at all- he was forced to beg for a mortal to listen and spilled all the words down on the ground, practically begging for somebody to just _accept and let it end_.  
Steve knew he could not just do that- it came too close to an absolution.

"_Look at me, mortal! Isn't that what you think I am? Monster, abomination, small, violent runt of a murderer's race worthy to be killed?_", Loki screeched and all off a sudden Steve ran.

Far, far away.

And he wouldn't stop running before the suddenly red eyes and blue skin vanished from this mind and he could think was "_Who has ever had the strength to tear a man apart like this? Who has ever twisted his mind beyond recognition?_"

On the surveillance feeds Loki could not shut up, in the most drastic of ways.

His flesh gave in as he began tearing his throat apart.


	10. I'll take all the blame

**Ninth: I'll take all the blame, the front page and the fame**

The tapes were an interesting thing to watch; every last Avenger knew that and saw this opinion reflected on the other's faces as clearly as the everlasting ice. Well, five of them.

Steve had decided to hide from their conversation and lied as badly as he could about the reason. Nobody would call him back in now.

"Isn't that what you wanted?", Bruce asked bitterly and faced Clint, who only narrowed his eyes and continued spinning a pencil in his hands, "How long has this been going on? How many of you have done that?"

Natasha crossed her arms before her chest.

"What is there to hide? I decided to push him; we need to know what he knows. But the smug bastard won't stop talking about himself."

Tony stayed quiet and never relented in staring into Bruce's eyes as they fought mentally, trying to figure out who was responsible.

"Steve is definitely innocent this time. He was the first, but that was probably his only visit. He doesn't even mention it anymore", Clint said and felt as though he had to be sick, "And stop fucking looking at me. I didn't do anything."

"Clint, we all know what you have been through, we would not judge you, it is perfectly understandable you..."

"No it _isn't_!", he shouted, "Fuck, don't you all get it? I want this shit to end. I wouldn't go in there and to talk to the sick fuck, even if that could fix what is wrong with me!"

Thor seemed rather bothered by the way his brother was addressed, but he did not disagree.

Bruce sighed.

"So what about you, science freak? Wanted to conduct some of your experience on a god's fucking brain?", Clint said quietly and knew right away he would regret his words.

The Hulk sparked free for only a second, but it sent him, as a mortal, stumbling backwards against the wall.

Natasha and Thor grabbed their weapons.

Bruce struggled with self-control.

And Tony started laughing. Maniacally, bitterly, full of false confidence.

"Don't you see?", he cried so full of amusement it made Clint's ears tingle with anger, "It _doesn't matter who did what._ The guy wants to stay quiet and you didn't let him and now he is _dead_ and we can move on and leave all that-"

"He is not dead, Stark", Clint said quietly, unable to come up with anything helpful to say.

"Isn't he?", Tony replied sharply, "Well, he _should_ be. This is _sick_."

He left and Natasha followed and so did Bruce and then all off a sudden Clint was alone.

Alone with the tapes and what they showed.

He needed to make his mind up.

* * *

_Thanos returns as soon as his vocal chords are cut._

_"Puny god, did you really believe I would let you go that easily? Death is sweet and you do not yet deserve her. When you have been remodeled and newly born out of your own searing flesh, a baptism by fire, you will receive her sweet and eternal blessing."_

_Loki swallows and then his master is gone and he is glad to be quiet. Now he does not owe an answer to anyone._

* * *

Natasha found Clint an hour later, up on the terrace, lying on his back.

Her worry for him was deeply entrenched inside her gut, pulling on her intestines with every heartbeat and every breath he took for the sake of his own.

She sat down beside him and took his hand. Squeezing it lightly was no sign of a weakened mind. Of course it wasn't.

"I did it", she said and of course she wasn't sorry.

"You tricked him into talking until he almost killed himself to make it stop?"

"Yes", she replied, "But I did not need to trick him. Loki started talking when I entered. All he needed was a bit of an encouragement, a few simple words to stir the spell."

Clint knew she had done that for him, but he wished she hadn't. Unlike her, he could still feel freely and boundlessly. Another day he would have cheered and celebrated the nameless evil she had done in his stead, but he couldn't _now_.

He had felt the same once.

Blue eyes.

Blue thoughts.

But the blood he had shed had still been red, a dark, despicable color, reminding him of the days before SHIELD, the days before Natasha and the days before Hawkeye.

And here they were, the two completely honorless people lost within their own dangerous game.

Natasha touched his arm and he pushed her away for the very first time.  
"I didn't do it for you", she said sternly.

Oh, of course she didn't.

"He deserves it, Clint. Have you forgotten what he did?"

Of course he hadn't.

"Every death is not painful enough for him."

Yes.

"He deserves it."

"Is that what you tell yourself?", he snapped, "Is that what helps you forget _I was the same_?"

Natasha narrowed her eyes.

"I appreciate your concern, Tasha, but seriously? The guy was tortured to do what he did and we both know what that does to people", Clint continued and he knew that this could either mean the end of them or the beginning of something he would not like.

"So you forgive Loki of all people? Clint, he made you _kill_ your friends and allies, you almost-"

"I almost did what, Tasha? Kill you? Do you think I don't _know_ what the bastard did? He was in _my _brain, not in yours. He controlled _me_ and told _me_ everything he had done and everything he went through. Shit, no, I wouldn't forgive him if I could. But I can understand him. And I will be fucking damned if I let anyone torture him again", Clint shouted and sat up, "He is crazy already, what good will continuing the treatment do? We should _talk_ to the guy, not drive him to commit suicide."

Natasha shook her head and he saw the wrinkles on her face, etched into her features with every frown she allowed herself.

And he wondered for a moment if that was worth it.

He loved her and she knew, but she never used his feelings to get what she wanted; and this love, this best of friends, this greatest of partners should be sacrificed for _Loki_?

Clint knew he had to make his decision by himself.

"Do what you have to do", she said, "But do not expect me to endorse it."

Natasha got up and left, leaving him reaching for the stars. They were easier to get, after all.

* * *

"You should try and see someone, Tony."

"And why would I ever do that?"

"The others notice. You are slipping. PTSD is nothing you should deal with alone."

"I am fine."

"Are you now? Steve is worrying about you. He even talked to me."

"He can talk as much as he wants, he's never even forming a sentence worth mentioning. _Captain America_, the glorious hero, incapable of coherent speech- what did my father see in him? He's just a pretentious asshole trying to defend his own, wonderful intentions that justify war and slaughter and..."

"He wants to help you."

"Does he. How _altruistic_. Listen, Bruce, you are a good guy and all, but just leave me alone, alright? I don't need people whining at me for how _depressed_ I seem and how many things I've done wrong and how I cope with the whole affair, yadda yadda."

"Did you talk to Loki? Did you cause this?"

"What if I did?"

"I would leave. Try to survive on my own instead of living with you people."

"Then go."

"Are you sure?"

"What would it change, anyway? Just because you feel for the guy does not make me want to help him get better all off a sudden. I can manage without you."

"Then so it shall be."

They never said goodbye.

* * *

Natasha found Thor somewhere in the corridors, leaning against the wall. She knew how hard it will be for him, seeing both his brother and the team torn and fighting- her heart was still heavy with guilt. Clint deserved better than her, better than her actions. And still she could not let it end like this, she would have to talk to him later.

Moments like this made her want to punch someone, make somebody hurt and watch their pain so that hers would not matter anymore.

Thor smiled at her, tired, worn.

"Lady Natasha. Would you join me for a talk?"

She nodded and tried desperately not to think about lashing out verbally and shove a dagger into all his wounds, so beautifully un-hidden on his mind. Every hit would connect; every blade would cut deeper than before.

"What about?", she asked and knew it would not be the answer she desired.

"Whatever you want. I merely intend to find a way to occupy my thoughts so that they may not return to the strange moving pictures of my brother's confinement."

Natasha smiled at his choice of words. Then her features hardened and she got serious once more.

"I did not do it", she said and sighed, "I wasn't the one to talk to him last. I wish I were, I really wish I could have been the one to put him through such pain, letting him writhe on the floor until he does what he has to do... but I wasn't the one."

They walked closer to the balcony's edge that separated them from all of New York in the dark.

"I know", he said quietly.

Natasha tilted her head.  
"How would you know?"

Thor gripped the railing tightly and choked down a sob.

"Because it was me."


	11. But we've spent some times

**I know the chapters are getting shorter and I shall burn in the sixth circle of hell, but for know I will just go on publishing. Next chapter will be sooner, it is also the shortest. **

**Apparently I have created a completely unlikable version of the Avengers, I am sorry if it came across like I hated all of them. I try to give them a story that goes beyond "Let's fight the bad guys". Thank you for understanding.**

**Again, I am really surprised by the follower's count for this story, I would've thought it would just drown among other fanfiction. Thank you so much for making that happen :))**

**As some have already predicted, it will all come crashing down soon. There are only so much chapters and we are approaching the end of RT & FE. **

**But wait, there's more.**

**Have fun with this, guys. You deserve a good story and probably a better one than this, for all I know. But I shall give this to you and know, it and your support mean the world to me.**

* * *

**Tenth: But we've spent some times I wouldn't trade for the world**

Clint basically charged into the prison and slowed his strides immediately after seeing Loki was up. Both of them ignored the other person as long as they could and neither of them seemed eager to look at anything besides the walls.

"Hey there, green eyes."

It was a sorry excuse for an appropriate greeting, but a threat did not seem right at this point.

"Didn't expect me of all people, huh?", he continued and felt as though his awkwardness had just expanded around the world. But he also believed nobody could blame him for having troubles to talking to a god of mischief who subjugated every living creature on the planet and damaged people's minds.

"You should not have come here", Loki said quietly.

"Why not? Afraid of my ungodly wrath?"

"No. But maybe you are."

Clint smiled. It was easier than he expected.

It was so rough and false and _relieving_ not to explain yourself to someone. Nothing was more wrong and twisted than his relationship with Loki; if it could go by that name. They knew exactly who the other one were, due to terrible reasons, but the inevitable bond which the mind-control had led to had its good sides.

"Have you come here to reclaim your truth?", Loki asked and looked up. His smile looked honest; but it could be a scheme, just another trick to make everyone believed he had changed and should be released.

Clint shook his head.  
"No, thanks. Keep it. I have no need of it anymore", he said and sat down on a chair casually, "I wanted to talk to you about these fits of yours, actually."

"I do not wish to speak of it. I am in control now", Loki said quickly. His stare was unwavering, but that did not prove anything.

"Are you?", Clint asked, "So what would Thor think about that?"

The god cringed and doubled over immediately, giving away a low whine as he wrapped his arms around himself. For a few moments it seemed as though he was losing the struggle; then he straightened himself. Beads of cold sweat lingered on his face and his thin-lipped smile was painfully faked.

"I can... control it", he forced out and groaned as he tumbled to the floor a moment later.

Clint felt his slow heartbeat in the silence, so far away from actually caring and yet not numb enough to turn away. He was impressed, against his will; that Loki managed to fight the spells back; as a former victim he knew how hard it was to control the controlling mind.

"You can't, right?"

The deity moved to get up, but dropped to one knee a second later.

_So ironic. Kneeling before me._

"_I will never be able to fight it. I will never be able to achieve anything I want. I will always __**fail**_." The words sounded more like a howl, a storm or a crack of thunder; not human, that was. But how could they? Whatever happened, the man was still not a man, but a _god_.

For a moment, Clint wanted to just stand there and watch Loki break. Watch him fall even further and spill all the frightened secrets of past days, all days of shame and need and disgrace.

But he wasn't like the prisoner. He was human and _felt_. He loved and pitied and forgave; so what did he have to lose?

"I don't blame you anymore", Clint said and did not completely believe himself. But a well-placed lie could save a world.

Loki shivered violently, mewling pathetically. It appeared as though his battle against the truth enforced on him was painful.

"That doesn't mean I don't fucking hate you, but I can't go running after people, trying to kill them, if I understand their motivation."

"What makes you believe I care, mortal?"

"Do you?", Clint asked with a cruel smile.

"_Yes._"

* * *

Fury agreed to the appeal a few days later. Tony did not know whether to laugh or cry. Did he want Loki around his apartment? No.

Did he want to talk to the psycho? More than he ever hoped to.

* * *

_The darkest place does not frighten him as he arrives this time. It has become pleasantly lit and mildly warm, it shows signs of resurrection. A divine intervention, or a comedy, maybe? What if it is nothing more than a con? The darkest con of men..._

_Loki knows it will not stay this way. But the endless brooding, the infinite pain and fear of another seizure are not bearable every day. Sometimes, if only for a minute, he needs to leave his body and mind and just **be**._

_Thanos will arrive in a few days, crushing all the mortal life under his heel and wait for the impact. He loves the little signs of death. Cherishes them. _

_But in this moment, Thanos does not matter. There are things so much more important, so funny and meaningless and **close**._

_So when the Avengers treat him as an equal, he appreciates their concern. They fear him and his outbreaks, his venom and poisonous words.  
This horrendous minutes of calm and serenity do not soothe him._

_He has to return soon enough._

* * *

Thor chose to kneel down briefly before Odin before he left.

"I shall heed your counsel, father."

But the golden halls felt shallow and as his friends and the Lady Sif cried out for him to join them, it did not fill him with anticipation as much as it should.

It wasn't only Loki.

It was what his brother's truth stood for; the imperfection of Asgard and everything he ever accomplished in its name. Because it was true, the fight in the golden cage where progress stood still as a treasured memory of better times.

It was snowing outside and maybe even inside the rooms and halls and vast corridors; the snowflakes settled down upon the shining materials and melted away as fast as it did.

It did not belong here.

So what if it killed Loki the same? Every second spent on Asgard, melting away under their judging stares until there was nothing left of him, merely a memory and a puddle of _what exactly_? Frost giants could die as every other creature.

Thor wondered if he would ever stop thinking about them as mindless beings born to fight the Aesir and die in the process. Loki was different, of course, but _why_? Because of some memories, some selfish dreams they had shared? If he was different, why couldn't Laufey be a person, too? Or all the others?

Thor knew he was not clever enough to answer these questions. He had never been the sophisticated one, the thinker or even the brains to someone's brawns.

There had been a time when he had envied his little, wonderful, genius brother for his abilities. Secretly, of course, he was not supposed to become anything but a warrior... so what was he now? Reformed, retold, re_made_?

Jane had shown him what passion meant; in a sense of dedicating oneself to a cause, a dream of even a distant fantasy; but passion did not equal talent.  
Becoming king would mean becoming wise and what if...

Thor started running, until his feet hit soil instead of gold. Until the smell of nature overcame the oil of all the paintings and the muffled reek of carpets.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

_Breathe in, breathe out... slowly. Patiently._

"What troubles you, my son?"

Frigga's voice was a soft tissue pressed on his wounds, a breeze cooling his burned skin.

"I do not wish to worry you, mother."

"Thor. What good will carrying this burden by yourself do?"

Of course she was right. She was always right; Frigga was clever. So why...?

"What if I am not worthy of being crowned king yet, mother? What if it will lead to more meaningless deaths?", he asked and felt ridiculous voicing his fears. Thor did not need a spell to tell the truth.

"Do not worry. There is still time", Frigga said softly and touched his arm, "And when the time comes, you will be ready. Have faith in your own abilities."

The sun burned down the snow in the gardens.

"When the time comes, I will have to do it alone, is it not so?"

Frigga did not answer the question. The answer was obvious.

The last of the ice vanished.


	12. And I don't want the world to see me

**So many follows :o Thank you guys, I appreciate it. Here, have some short extra chapter. **

**There are only two more, then the three oneshots will follow and this will be finished... weird thought, at least for me. **

**So yeah. Here, have a reminder:**

**-Vote for stuff on my profile, helps out massively. I'll leave the poll open until I finish this.**

**-Ask me anything in the review section of via PM. I love to talk to people who read my stuff and at least partially enjoyed it.**

**-Enjoy!**

* * *

**Eleventh: And I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand**

"Tony, can we talk?"

"What is it with you people the last time around? All you want to do is talk, talk, talk, like some crazy obsessed fanboys. No, fucking sparkle-and-spangles, we can't talk. I am busy."

* * *

_His darkest place expands, it seems. They do not understand what happens around them, they can't read the signs. Oh, poor, fragile mortals obsessed with conquering death, the only constant in their equation._

* * *

Footsteps, getting closer to the door.

* * *

_And the fearless titan approaches. His pact with death strengthened and his senses heightened by bloodlust._

_Inside the darkest place, it may not matter. But it will soon enough._

_Loki knows how lost they are already. All of them and all of him. The many shapes of his._

* * *

Footsteps down the hallway floor.

* * *

_And the snow melts in their dreams, doesn't belong, doesn't belong at all... people need to move on. Need to feel alive on their own. A lost brother is like a lost limb, but life goes on. It has to._

* * *

A door opens, never to close again.

* * *

_So what if the saddest song plays while their moments of joy. What if he stays a speck of failure on the glorious family's hall of fame. What if they mourn him once he is gone._

* * *

"_Talk to me._"

* * *

Steve came into the kitchen only to find it empty. There were leftovers of pizza boxes and other take-out food varieties, but no one to eat them.

In a desperate effort he tasted one of the slices of what might have been pepperoni pizza a few weeks ago- it wasn't worth the time. Every day had left a flavor on the slice and it was sure as hell not getting better.

His stomach revolted, but at least it accepted any kind of nourishment now. For the last days he had had trouble with eating anything at all.

It wasn't just Loki and his unknown despair. Actually, it wasn't about the god at all.

Peggy had come back into his dreams, quietly, like a gentle breeze. And now she was there all the time; sometimes a young, beautiful woman, sometimes an old lady suffering from dementia, but always calling out to _him_.

It would be so much easier if she blamed him for not being there when she needed him most.

So Steve began to draw, endless rows of drafts and paintings to throw away; filling his bin, the walls, the room. And there he was, then, among the pictures ripped out of his memories. Silent in a haze of gun smoke.

And in time he realized maybe this was what growing older meant. Treasuring moments from the past because every present day seemed the same; not changing, never-ending; _perfect._

_Come with me_, he would tell her, dancing the last dance, _I can make the pain go away._

Peggy would laugh.

_It belongs to me_, she chuckled as he spun her around, _just like you do._

Steve turned and left.

A sharpened pencil, a pad of paper or two...

* * *

Fury tells them the Chitauri ships are approaching earth. They come closer every second and their crowds hailing their king echo across the sky.

Natasha does not fear their arrival. They can deal with whatever approaches their planet, the Avengers can handle it.

So where is Bruce?

Where is Steve's courage?  
Tony's obstinacy?

Clint's ferocity?

Thor's loyalty?

Her neutrality?

Asgard's help is provided and needed as well; so what was there to fear?

Yet her bones were aching, her body shaken to the core and every hint resembling sanity long gone. The truth hurt inside them all. Not only theirs, but everyone's...

what kind of goal did they set? What did they fight for other than themselves?

* * *

_And in the end he will leave and they will let him go, gently as they have never treated him in his living days._

_They miss him. And so does he. But sometimes, just sometimes, people could be stupid enough to not want what they needed._

* * *

"I should have come here sooner."

_So why would they not come back? Yes, he has pushed them away all these times before and yet... they would always return to him! No matter what he does, they believe in him, believe in his redemption and good will beneath all the screwed up plans and visions... so where are they?_

"I mean, yeah, I know, we're not exactly friends or anything, you shoved me out of a window and all that... but you _see_. You get what I mean. You get what I just go through."

_Pity is a luxury and not to be shared. Loki is greedy. He takes all the courage he has left and spends the days biting his own neck... he was weeping for himself._

"Can we talk?"

And yes they could.

As Stark leaves, Loki felt drained. Why must the mortal want his truths of all things? And he even dared to smile as he left.

_The darkest place reaches out for Midgard._


	13. Did you still like the view

**Thanks for staying here with me, everyone. I am so proud of you and myself and how far we got and I hope that you didn't wait for nothing. This is the second to last chapter of _Rising Tide & Fallen Empires_. I will post the last and the link to the kind-of-but-not-really-follow-up on Sunday, I await your rage and hate, lol.**

**This story ends abruptly and it does so for a reason. Nope, no cheap excuses from me here, it is just supposed to do that. :)**

**I would really love to hear your thoughts and feelings on the story once I finish it; thank you so much for your support.**

**Have fun 3**

* * *

**Twelfth: Did you still like the view when the guns were aimed at you?**

_His betrayal caught them off guard. Loki did not know whether to be proud or touched they had believed him all the time; but as he forced the dagger between the man of iron's ribs and ran off, he certainly didn't feel bad about it at all. Stark had used him as a thing to talk to, hoping to see his pain alleviate by watching another suffer. _

_That had to be the reason Rogers was spared. Of course it had nothing to do with the fact the soldier felt guilty without reason still._

_In the moment the spell was trying to set in, it was burned away. Thanos did not want to see his minions fail because of a minor nuisance like this._

_Loki trashed the window and jumped, out into the night, the free fall and the lights of the city he did not mind anymore._

_What he thought did not matter. What he did was all that counted._

* * *

Tony recovered quickly, it was a superficial wound. But damn, did it hurt.

With fingers sticky with blood he fumbled to get his phone, until Jarvis reminded him there were easier ways to call for help.

Tony hated this saying, "calling for help" implied weakness and he knew he could prove his own if he had to. This certain letdown he had not anticipated, though. The disappointment was merely a bothering side-effect of the pain.

It happened fast after that.

* * *

A well-placed bomb close to Bruce incapacitated him.

A carefully-chosen door fell shut behind Natasha.

A mind-numbing gas turned Clint into a drooling mess on a hospital's floor.

A deep-cutting sword attached Thor to a pillar of pure gold.

A heart-weakening message lured Steve away from the site.

Loki was thorough with what he did. Soon, they were rendered useless.

* * *

_As the darkest place infests the very core of Midgard, he is feeling their every cry and every fear-filled thought. Is he regretting handing them over? Not just yet._

_Loki knows he had wronged them._

_But that is who he is, right? He cannot find his nature. His monster. **Himself**._

_Baldr could not fix it. Odin could not fix it. So how can they hope to achieve what the gods never managed to do?_

_It should not feel so wrong to deceive them._

* * *

When they were back together, reunited and assembled, a plan had been made.

Thanos had not yet shown up, but he would, and how he would.

"We need to get closer to him."

"Close enough to kill?"

"That is not enough."

"Kill him? But-"

"He is the first and last. What began with him will end with him surely."

"The losses are great already. We cannot stop now."

"There is no way out, then?"

"There never was."

* * *

_He watches them from above, up in the sky, safe and sound. Finally the pain has stopped, the throbbing want to speak and tell people of who he is and who he once was._

_Loki smiles. _

_If he had not betrayed them, they would have found a way to stab his back.  
**This is what I want**, he says to himself in the dark, over and over again._

* * *

The fight on the streets ensued and they were holding out. They managed.

Steve protected as many people as he could, always feeling _it just wasn't enough_. Innocents would fall once again, as they always did when the mighty played their games. Who would ever care?

And soon the earth burned and wept with every hit it took.

Asgard fell first. It was a sight to behold, the Chitauri streaming inside the golden halls, violating every last inch of the giant construct that had been the god's realm.

Thor saved as much as he could, but _would it ever suffice_?

But in the end, it was not the super-soldier, not the god and not the living machine who spotted the Eternal himself.

The arrow pierced the creature's arm and went out on the back- flying with a force unknown to him. It did not help to defeat him.

Earth fell second. The death count was low, but as the infinite masses of skeleton-like soldiers stormed the streets with their sheer masses, it was clear to everyone.

* * *

_He watches them from high above the ground. As they flee. As they fight. As they fall._

_Loki knows that he lacks conviction; a conviction these mortal's call their own. So, some ask him, why does he not help them if he admires them so?_

_He shakes off the fear and gives it some thought._

_**This is what I want**, he tells himself._

* * *

As Natasha retreated from the fight, one leg broken and one arm bruised to the point of uselessness, she found the missing security tapes. Hidden away under a desk, like a child would, they lie, fully intact and ready to be watched.

The trembling of her fingers when she pressed the play button is caused only by stress, she tells herself. Did the truth really matter?

She did not like what she saw.

* * *

_Oh, how fragile and small Loki seemed as Thor grabbed his collar and shoved him roughly against the glass wall. The younger god winced and tried to struggle free; it was strange not to see him defend himself with words._

_"Tell me, brother! What do you accomplish by this? What is your goal?"_

_"I intend to stay alive", Loki managed to say before his head met the wall another time. _

_"Let me go", he demanded._

_"Please", he asked._

_"Brother", he begged. The horrid sound of the words sent a violent seizure through his being, twisting his spine and bending his bones._

_Thor shook his head rapidly and looked away to wipe away the tears that spilled from his eyes already._

_"How could I ever believe you?"_

_Loki did not reply, he swallowed hard as his eyes seemed to turn hazy and vitreous. Suffocated by a brother. Killed by a friend._

_For a moment, both of them appeared to be lost in thought._

_Thor looked up first._

_"Did you mean it?", he begged._

_"Please", he asked._

_"Brother", he demanded._

_"Did you mean what you said to me on the day of my coronation?"_

_Loki seemed to know what his brother was talking about; he quietly shook his head and pressed his lips tightly together. His whole body had gone limp and he had stopped fighting._

_"**Did you mean it?"**, Thor repeated. A furious howl, words abused as a threat formed by desperation. How tired the god of thunder looked. How very tired._

_Loki gasped and trembled uncontrollably._

_"Yes", he choked, "I did mean it back then. I meant all of it."_

_And then he snaps._

* * *

Natasha stopped the records after a few more minutes. The truth brings her down and weighs heavily on her shoulders. A tragedy, really, a cruel twist of fate; and yet only another story among many.

"Take a number, stand in line", she whispered and chuckled.

The secret was hers to keep and she would not betray Thor and tell the others. In fact, it felt inappropriate for her to know.

As they followed Thanos up to the skies to his spaceships they knew their chances of survival were low; a single drop of water in the hottest of deserts would have surpassed theirs.

So what made them press on? Was it fate? Obedience? A deeply hidden guilt?

They went anyway.

Corridors as silver as mercury rowed along their slow walk, spiraling around every last of them as Ouroboros, the snake forever chasing its own tail. And in every last of them the blinding light rested as soft as feathers fallen to the ground, welcoming the guests.

Until they reached the seemingly last of places, dark and somber. The Eternal would reside inside the gloom, hiding his stone crusher's face away from the worlds.

"Mortal soldiers, you are welcome here", he said and smiled.

"Where is my brother?", Thor asks first and Thanos does not laugh as he should, as the villain, the evil of all words, the thorn in all their sides.

"Right here. Beside me, where he chose to be."

As Loki appears out of nowhere, right before their eyes, they first believe he has chosen the wrong side. It had become obvious when he attacked them- but the gleam in his eyes, the weak smile calmed hardly, betrayed his true intentions.

"My... friends", he greets them and grins. A grimace of humor shouldn't look this pained.

"It is not too late, Loki", Natasha found herself saying, "Surrender now and we will protect you." She lied so very cunningly; but how could you lie to the king of liars?

So when his eyes roamed over their hopeless crowd, trying to find a proof for her words, he found nothing of worth.

However strong the Avengers were, the god had learned; as he fought all of them, all at one, he is faster than the spare light and deadlier than even Gugnir's blade.

So when they silently admit defeat, they learned to respect his anger; and for a moment he was Loki, not his brother's shadow, but genuinely Loki; a smile on his face, a glint of joy; and they _saw_ him.

"Oh, _now_ you realize", he said and turns away, addressing Thanos, "So, here they are. As you demanded, every last Avenger beaten and at your mercy. Now take away the spell and just-"

The Eternal smiles a second too late for Loki to react.

"Little, forlorn god that you are... I owe you _nothing_."

The deity of mischief dropped down, barely holding himself with one hand.

"_Down on your knees you just don't look so tall_", Thanos said and pushed him over the edge.

* * *

_Oh, how the dark the place seems this very second. Falling again, falling down into the deepest abyss, the latest of promises echoes inside his brain._

_**This is not what I wanted,** he says silently and is lost among the stars._

_The darkest place embraces him._


	14. Open your eyes

**Thank you all for staying till the end, I love you and I thank you with all my heart and this is getting emotional.**

**This is the 2nd part of 5, you find part 3 here: s/8736674/1/Little-Lion-Man**

**Part 1 is _The Darkest Place_ which you should have read before this one, duh, man, duh.**

**Anyway. Share your thoughts on this with me if you want/can/feel obliged to, I appreciate every review and click and visitor and follow and favourite. **

**Thanks for reading.**

* * *

**Last: Open your eyes and the empire falls**

Everything returned to normal after the events involving Thanos. The Eternal let the mortal world go for another thousand years; he didn't seem to see how to make use of it after all. For a being like him it was a common act, a decision with no consequences.

Earth bled, though, several continents were affected by every last of the extraterrestrial forces.

Tony grinned at his image in the mirror, showing teeth and straightening his posture. The suit looked good on him; Pepper would appreciate it. Maybe now she would actually forgive him for not telling her everything that had happened.

Natasha had taken a few weeks off work and spent her days with a russian agent nobody of them knew; but apparently she was serious about their relationship.

Thor was busy with rebuilding Asgard and his royal duties; as successor of Odin Allfather he had to think of certain obligations. He had to live up to his title.

Bruce had reconciled with them and managed to get outside every day or other. Becky had called him, though; his priorities had shifted now.

Steve drew pictures of the skylines; none of the skyscrapers was safe. He would spend hours waiting for another train to come or another plane to leave.

It was Clint, of all people, who could not let go.

* * *

It would always end where it had started.

An icy prison.

The coldest hell.

But now there were lights, as well as time- it aged the young man until he was no longer the infantile boy, but an old man weary of life.

So when the rising tide of fire overcame his senses, he knew how close they were; close to winning and losing all the same- but did it matter? Had it ever?

As time went by, he learned to calm his thinking and conquer his rage. The infinite desire to lash out and just destroy what others had created for the sake of destroying it was dying down. What had been desire once became need, became want and suddenly it was nothing more than a wish- not stronger than a dream of his, forgotten by dawn.

And oh, how they loved, the places and people of his visions; they loved so deeply they died. And never him, never his sentiments- he was watching and learning.

The memory of torture did not signify anything now; childish needs could never have been more irrelevant.

However strong his words proved to be, they were false. And along the lines of importance struggled the truth; a faithful companion that followed him even though he denied refuge. One day, he would have to comply. Eventually; but not just yet.

So when another lie left his lips, filled him with strength and vitality, he realized he missed the feeling of drain. The feeling of truth escaping him and altering the future he had planned so well.

"A dream of mine..."

And one day, the place would light up and fill his darkest thoughts with less than hope and less than joy. But it would get to him, reach out into the prison his mind had built for him; so what if they had given up on he had been.

Changes were more than just coincidences- but could one truly choose to change one's personality?

He did not want to. But that was not what they needed to believe.

"A friend of mine..."

* * *

"What do you want me to say, Clint? 'Let's just pack our bags and get going?' That is not how's it gonna be."

"At least fucking _listen_ to me, what I am saying is-"

"What are you two waffling on about?", Natasha asked with an amused tone as she entered the meeting section of Stark Tower's floor 23. Bruce and Clint looked at her with the look of two kids caught with their hands in a cookie jar.

"It was nothing. Just a minor argument about us approaching a mission in a professional way." For a guy with serious anger management issues he was a pretty good liar. Normally it should have caused at least some kind of emotional reaction.

But Natasha practically sensed the dishonesty. She nodded anyway.

"I see. Whatever the case, you two need to get ready. We will leave in a few minutes."

Everything returned to normal slowly and she was glad about it. In another month they would all be able to think clearly.

Not that she of all people had ever minded; there would be no lasting affect for her.

Clint and Tony were missing from the meeting this day. They made jokes about it until the security tapes where they had gone off to.

The remains of Thanos' last spaceship had stayed in New York, after all.

* * *

_As Tony woke up he knew right away it would be a nice day. Indications for a fortunate turn of events would be a) the fact that Pepper lay right next to him and told him she did not have to work and b) the sun was shining like the obnoxious bitch that had used certain photos to destroy his reputation a few years ago._

_Pepper smiled at him sleepily when he kissed her forehead._

_"I'll just get coffee. Be back in a minute", Tony said and struggled to get out of bed. _

_Yawn would follow yawn would follow yawn as he stumbled down the stair to the closest of kitchens, the soft fabric of the carpet bit into his feet._

_Later he would know why every detail stayed so very vividly in his mind, never to leave again. But he did not right now; he was careless and happy, the first time in months._

_And as he turned on the coffee maker, watching the glistening skyscrapers surrounding Stark Tower, he suddenly knew it was too good to be true._

_A vision like this had to be a dream._

_"I need to talk to you", Clint said, leaning against the kitchen counter._

* * *

The jump into the spaceship's interior only takes them a moment.

Not conviction.

Only guilt.

Not courage.

Merely necessity.

The need to make sure who was dead was dead and who lived lived; a short visit, really.

* * *

_The darkest place is theirs now; a fantasy of someone unable to control his mind. And they realize that time passes differently in this place- it is always a rush and never a steady flow._

_One is destined to go crazy in a place like this and they feel it._

_Tony sees his father, Clint his family- as though the mind essays to calm them as a reward for coming._

_It is memories and memories only._

_They see worlds end and kings fall; they see mischief evolve into chaos and chaos into insanity._

_Why have you come, the voices ask, why you of all people?_

_"Because someone had to", they reply, "And no one else would."_

_What is left of the god does not comply, nor does it refuse their help._

* * *

"You have to serve your sentence, brother."

_Do I? Do I need to listen to your every word?_

"They cared, you know? They came for you."

_They did._

"I could not."

_What could possibly stop the mighty Thor?_

"You can. You always could."

_Lies and excuses, brother. Nothing more, nothing less._

"Would you have come with me? You know you would never."

_But it was not worth a try?_

"You asked me to let go. I did and now you complain?"

_I did not..._

"You never knew what it was all about."

_It was not about you._

"I do know."

_But it should have. You would have found what you were looking for._

"I found you."

_Is that all that matters?_

"For now."

_For now._


End file.
